Abstract
I really didn’t think I could make it this long without drinking. It is in the top five most difficult things I have done. But I am glad I did it. I wish I had done this a long time ago. But I guess things needed to get really out of control before I could be convinced to make a change.
What has changed
Being sober has on its own mitigated three problems, 1) burning through money, 2) Doing things I later regret, 3) Not having time to get things done.
As for all my other issues. Sobriety has not on its own done anything to fix them. But it has given me the clarity and time to work on fixing them myself. When you just disassociate from problems by drinking, nothing gets fixed and ultimately things get worse. After being sober for this long it has become easy to see correlation between things I do and situations I am in. Just being aware of all the subtle cause and effect in life allows me to be in much more control of my life. I can steer my life where I want to go. Before, things just sort of happened. I couldn’t explain how I got myself into a given situation, it “just happened”.
The people I am associating with are better. I am having much much healthier relationships with the people around me. I am doing better in school because I have a lot more free time and more energy to get things done.
Planning my life has gotten better. I feel like I might actually be going somewhere now, where for years, I was just spinning my wheels. Going nowhere. I think a lot of it is just that I can see further into the future and make plans now. When I was drinking I didn’t think beyond that night. I thought about the future of course, but not in the specifics and clarity that I do now.
People who were just drinking buddies have stopped coming around. But I see just as much of my real friends as I used to. That was a big worry for me when I stopped drinking. My entire social life was based on getting drunk. So I had assumed that when I stopped drinking my social life would flat out end. That fortunately has not been the case.
All my dishes are done, my clothes are clean and put away, and my bills are mostly paid on time. None of which was true when I had the option [ do choirs: or go to the bar? ]
In closing
I am very glad I did this, and I suspect things are only going to keep getting better. The reasons this had never worked before (I could only make it about a week) were: 1) I was doing it for the wrong reasons. 2) I was trying to do it alone without any support 3) I would get discouraged that my life was still shit after a week and give up. It takes a while for the benefits to materialize.
I still miss drinking (a lot!) but I have proven time and time again that I do not have boundaries/ limits/ an off switch. Left to my own devices I will take things to the extreme, and not stop until I hit a wall. If I started drinking again, it might start as just binging on Friday nights, but it would quickly go back to every day and I would be right back where I started. Given that life style, well there are only a few ways it can end. So I am just going to steer clear, and find joy in other things.
I really wish I had done this much sooner. I have accumulated so many regrets, and set myself back so far over the years due mostly to drinking. But you have to start sometime and it’s never too late etc, etc, etc..
So Woot! Six Months!
Mr. Stranton 